Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Hillside Cannibals

Wow. That's all i have to say about this.

I got this one out of the horror section at blockbuster- the best section ever.

Think Hills Have Eyes with Caveman and House of Wax (minus the wax) all in one movie and THAT is Hillside Cannibals.


This is interesting. I do enjoy myself a good sci-fi flick every so often (actually most of the time it's my preferred movie choice...or a b-list horror movie!)...

Anyway. Adrien Brody and Random Blonde chick play two scientists (perhaps 50 years in the future?) that work in a lab splicing different animal DNA together to create a weird creature thing and synthesize some proteins for human usage to cure disease, cancer, AIDS, etc etc. They want to splice human DNA in at some point, but they get rejected because the lab got different funding and so of course they do it anyway.

A good 10 minutes of the movie is spent with them staring at a screen with chromosomes that says FAIL! you suck at being scientists, then all of a sudden YAY! it works. They create some strange human-fish-tadpole-bird-hamster-mouse creature that grows really fast. It's weird-has no hair and has weird pointy horse-bird feet. Oh, and it's androgynous and/or changes sex.

THe rest of the movie is consumed with Random Hot Blonde Scientist forming a mother-child like bond with said creature, peeking into R.H.B.S.'s past life and how her mother was evil and now RHBS has to be a control freak. Oh, also, Adrien Brody falls for Creature and sleeps with it, then RHBS catches them and goes into a tizzy.

The ending of the movie was kind of "meh", so I'll save that for you to experience. It was another cop-out ending all M. Night Syahadmhahamlalan-like, so it was kind of disappointing. The relationships between the characters is kind of interesting, but has "Stereotypical Psychology Case Study" written all over it. All in all, it was pretty ok, but I probably won't watch it again.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Stuff

Holy smokes. This movie. It's like if Marshmallow Fluff grew an evil soul-brain thing and decided to wreak havoc on the economy and ice cream business and people's families. It's great!

I don't even remember half of what the heck was going on because the scenes were so damn jumpy...and I'm pretty sure whats-his-face investigator guy was doing his investigation for a few years and was wearing the same outfit the whole time. I have to admit, though, His boots were pretty sweet.

Also, why do kids always know the truth about what's going on?! Either that or they're freaking creepy. This time it wasn't the case that the kid was creepy; he was just smarter than all of the other adults around him.

Also: There's a token black guy in this flick. His name is "Chocolate Chip" Charles. Wrap your head around that one.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Date Night

Hah. Steve Carrell and Tina Fey. You'd think it'd be a pretty neat duo, but it was just meh. The two are pretty funny, but the wit and sarcasm is lost between their fumblings throughout Jersey...or New York...where ever they were.

Anywho, Tina and Steve make a pretty good upper-middle class suburban white folk boring couple with a house, dog, and 2.4 kids. (They should have just used their real names as the character names...Tina and Steve....much more bland than whatever their character names where)...It wasn't as funny and sarcastic as I expected it to be, which was a little disappointing. But, they make for a good chuckle if you are in need of one.

Either way, this is just a movie to rent when you're bored one night. I'd take Monty Python over this any day.

Monday, July 26, 2010

The Science of Sleep

Well. This was the strangest movie I had seen in a while. Stephane was really annoying though and needed to stop crying and grow a pair.

There's Gael Garcia Bernal as Stephane, Charlotte Gainsbourg as Stephanie, and some other people. I heard an album by Charlotte Gainsbourg a while back and I was surprised to see she's an actress as well. I also read somewhere that she got in a really bad skiing accident and hit her head and had to have brain surgery or something...crazy, I know!

Stephane moves back to France after his father passes away because his mother has a job set up for him there. He moves into an apartment (unknowingly) next to Stephanie and he meets her by helping her movers bring a piano up to her apartment. Some weird things go on and Stephane ends up liking Stephanie (cute...matching names) and for some odd reason Stephane's boss tells Stephane to pretend he's not Stephanie's neighbor. So that just screws up everything because poor Stephane is already emotionally unstable and cries at everything AND mixes reality with his dreams. oy. This guy needs some structure in his life! After Stephanie jerks him around a while, he cries some more and then all is well. Stephane and Stephanie ride off into the sunset on a blue felted horse with yarn hair and they live happily ever after. The End!

Monday, July 12, 2010

The Crazies

Well, I didn't hear about this movie until it got released on DVD at my place of employment, and after seeing it I think I know why that was the case. It was pretty much a half-assed zombie movie with half-assed zombies. Everybody pretty much dies in the end....but the zombies (if that's even what they are) aren't even zombies!!

Some super-generic bio-hazard substance has found its way into the water system of your generic, midwest American town turning its victims "crazy" (I guess). Slowly but surely, everyone gets infected, the government intervenes, and nukes everyone so the substance doesn't spread. The story follows a couple trying to leave the town, but they're doomed from the beginning, and everyone knows that, so I don't really know why they even made a movie out of this. It would have almost been a little better if contact from the fake-zombies turned you into a zombie, but it doesn't. AND!! You don't even have to shoot the fake-zombies in the head to kill them! LAME.

Toy Story 3

Yup. It's just as all the critics said it was. Cute. Charming. Touching. Frightening (but only for a moment!). Definitely a good ending to the series my generation has grown up with. The creators did not try to cheese it up at with some sappy story about how Andy keeps his beloved toys on his shelf for the rest of time, but made it much more realistic as to what would really happen (thank god). Hopefully Toy Story doesn't turn into a mass-market-put-whatever-story-we-got-out-there type thing and try to wring every last penny out of its audiences. (I don't think it will.) This finale left us all in a good spot knowing that Andy is going to carry on with life and that the toys will have a not-so-dismal future ahead of them. Hooray!

Friday, July 9, 2010


Hooray for more sci-fi!- although a little more updated than Soylent Green. In the future (surprise! a sci-fi film about the future!), people are conceived via in-vitro with the best traits of each parent chosen from them. People conceived naturally are looked down upon even though such discrimination is against the law (sound familiar?-a.k.a. the world we live in RIGHT NOW. o.m.g.).

Ethan Hawke plays Vincent, a naturally conceived young gentleman who aspires to be much more than society is allowing him to be. His brother Anton is conceived the more "conventional" way, and throughout life the two are constantly battling to see who is better. Vincent strives to go into space someday and studies and trains his butt off, only to become a janitor in the work-place of his dreams (where he wouldn't be a janitor)....but he's still a janitor. Damn. Then enter Jude Law playing Jerome Eugene Morrow, an almost-perfect human specimen who oh-so-conveniently has gone into seclusion due to an accident that left him paralyzed from the waist down. Vincent jumps at the chance to finally become what he wants to be, risking his and Jerome's reputation (although Jerome doesn't really care, because even though he's a 9.3, he's dug himself into a pit of self-hatred and despair because of his perfectness. What a terrible life he has.) Anywho, an accident occurs at Gattaca Aerospace...whatever...leaving one if its head guys dead and Vincent as the prime suspect.

Throughout the film we see numerous issues about genetics, perfection, life, siblings, souls, etc etc, but who cares. It's just a movie. Oh, a good thing to note: Anton and Vincent play a game where they swim out to sea and see who can swim out farthest without getting tired and/or scared. Usually Anton beats Vincent, but one time Anton gets tired and starts to drown, so Vincent has to come back and save him! They had a bit of a falling-out because obviously Anton is crushed that his genetically inferior brother beat him at his own game. Later on, Anton comes back for one more game, but Vincent still beats him! Anton asks Vincent how he does it!, and Vincent answers:

"I never saved anything for the way back."

Hoo-rah! Well. That was pretty decent. Kinda cheesey, but hey, it's 1997. When are we going to ever see a decent sci-fi flick?...Oh there was Avat....nevermind...

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Howl's Moving Castle

Right off the bat I'd have to say of the three Miyazaki films I've seen thus far, this one is hands down the best! Plus, Turniphead is 10 times better than the kodama of Princess Mononoke (although still super cute).

Howl is a very angsty (teenage?) wizard trained by the Queen's sorceress. He happens upon Sophie while she's walking home from work and is being accosted by some quite ungentlemanly guards. Howl does the age-old "hi dear, I'm glad I caught you! Let me walk you home" trick and accompanies her home. He, however, is also being followed by some creepy black globby shape changers. Sophie finally gets home and eventually has to return to work where the black globby shapeshifter things show up again, but this time with their master. She ends up putting a spell on Sophie which makes her incredibly old. Sophie then goes out to try and break the spell, and then happens upon Howl's Castle and decides to let herself in and acts as housekeeper. A number of spells, inanimate objects becoming animate, a war, and a destroyed castle later rounds out the movie in pure Miyazaki style.

As I said with the other Studio Ghibli's movies, I am a huge fan due to my fantasty fan-dom anyway. Another for the must-see list!

Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind

Another Miyazaki one here. More excellent animation/computer enhancement, excellent story lines and Japanese fantasy, and an amazing cast of talented voices.

Nausicaa is the princess of the Valley of the Wind, one of the last human settlements left in a world ridden with pollution and hostile take-over by giant insects and poisonous forests. The residents of the Valley of the Wind seek to live in harmony with the forest and the insects, and Nausicaa seems to be one of the few that know how to calm the giant insects after they are angered. After a neighboring settlement's airship crashes into the lakeside, the Queen of the neighboring settlement is seeking to take over the Valley of the Wind and completely destroy the surrounding forest. Nausicaa knows that this is not the right way to go about things as she has spent a good chunk of her time researching cures for her father's sickness and subsequently came across interesting discoveries regarding the forest.

I might be slightly biased with my opinions of this film as I am a huge fan of fantasy already. The story line was great and well thought out, and the characters were definitely given much personality. You were able to relate to Nausicaa and her struggles to keep her people and Valley alive and out of the hands of the enemy as well as the angry insects of the forest. She plays a great peace-keeper between the humans and the forest, and (sorry to get cheesey here) shows you that with a little understanding the ways of every living creature can be empathized with. (which, I could totally go on a philosophical rant here, but I'll spare your eyes and brain. haha!).

All-in-all, this movie was pretty good! You should watch it!